Lucky me - I live in a state where weed is legal! I finally invested in a vape kit and some edibles and I've been playing with them. Unfortunately, as I try to figure out appropriate methods and dosing for myself, I've gone through a few moments of stress and confusion, and have accidentally a good bit too high a couple of times. I found that I also didn't get the most useful advice from the internet. So here's Jo's Weed Survival Guide.
PART ONE: TIPS ON INGESTION
First and foremost: strains. There are well over seven hundred of them and they all have stupid names. I recently took the time to detail the genres of strain names:
Strains that sound like startups (STEAM, GG4, FPOG)
Strains that sound like county fair activities (Berry Stomper Refresh is by far my favorite name in this genre)
Strains that sound like monster truck rally titles (Donkey Butter, Runtz, Lemon Fuel)
Strains that sound like snacktime (Pineapple Express, Chocolate Banana, Gelato, is it munchies time yet?)
Strains that somehow combine most or all of the above (Origyn Ghost Train Haze Sauce, and yes that is one strain)
Strains that make you go ???? (Cinderella 99, Scout Breath, Slap and Tickle)
Yes, every single one of those is a real strain.
I cannot recommend Leafly enough as a resource for figuring out what you want to try. It has detailed information on strains, including effects, THC and terpene content, negative side effects, what the strain helps people with, and even where to find the strain near you. They even have a quiz to help you find the right strain for you. 11/10.
As for indica/sativa/hybrid: indica is the relaxing shit. "Indica, in de couch" is the go-to phrase. Sativa is energizing, and hybrid is, y'know, hybrid. Pretty straightforward.
It's incredible how many options there are for getting high. There's edibles, vapes, joints, bongs, flower, tinctures, topicals, concentrates, etc., etc. This is great news for people who have tried one method and found it didn't work for them! (Hey, smoking is weirdly hard. No judgment.) But dosing can be tricky, especially with things that aren't sold as individual doses. So remember: you can always take more, but you can't take less. Be cautious.
My preferred methods are oil vaping and edibles, two very different methods that achieve different results. So let's talk about those.
Edibles are easy. They're most often sold in neat individually-dosed portions, which is fabulous for beginners, and they're comparatively cheap to try - you can easily get a ten-pack of a good edible (I like Hexies!) for $10-20. But - and I cannot stress this enough - start with ONE. Uno. One 5mg edible should be plenty for a beginner. Be warned: they are not joking when they say it'll take a while. Do not, under any circumstances, take a second dose because the first one "wasn't enough". Wait at least two hours.
Edibles take longer to work because they're processed through your liver instead of your bloodstream. The flip side of this is that the high tends to be more intense and last longer than more direct methods. For me, edibles are a bedtime or weekend item only.
Vaping, on the other hand, is a Project™. While it's a cost-effective option for people who use weed regularly, it's also more complex than a lot of other options. Before I could even get started, I had to learn a lot of technical things that I hated learning and am still just a teeny bit confused by. But here's what I've got:
PARTS OF AN OIL VAPE
This part sucks. I am sorry. But in order to know what you're doing, you need to have a basic understanding of what your vape is doing.
The battery is the item that powers the whole shebang. These are sold in an incredible range of styles, colors, and power options. I started with what turned out to be an incredibly shitty and useless battery (do not buy the PCKT VRTCL. It's ass.) and then a box mod before I found a pen that worked for me. I strongly recommend a pen for beginners. You do not need a $60 box mod and it will probably just make you cough a lot and get too high (more on this later). You can literally get a $10 pen at Walmart or online and it is fine. This is a stupid thing to invest a lot in up front, and I'm lucky that I like vaping because, for the most part, you cannot return any used component.
Batteries come in two types: autodraw and manual. Autodraw batteries are extremely simple - suck on it like a straw and you get vapor. Poof. Manual batteries are a little more complex; you have to press the button a bunch of times (usually five) to turn it on, and then hold the button while you draw. The benefit of a manual battery is that they often have different voltage settings; the benefit of an autodraw is it's just easier.
Voltage on a battery is confusing and is measured in a ton of different ways. The tl;dr is that if you're a beginner, you probably want a low-voltage battery. Higher voltage usually means a stronger hit, and lower voltage usually means more flavor. Beginners, you almost certainly do not need a higher voltage right away.
The cartridge is the weed part. It is expensive, and that's annoying and the primary reason I don't recommend starting on a vape. The cartridges, also called "carts", last a while if you aren't fucking anything up: a standard 0.5g cart is approximately 150 one-second draws. You can, if you're so inclined, get your own carts and fill them with whatever oil you want, but this is messy, time-consuming, and not really necessary for a beginner.
An atomizer is the part of your cart that does the vaporizing; it's where the wick is. If you're an Advanced Vaper™, you may have some understanding of how atomizers work, but then you're probably not reading this.
Coughing is pretty much guaranteed. The vast majority of vapers report coughing when they start. Inhaling mouth-to-lung (inhale into your mouth, hold the vapor in your mouth for three to five seconds, then inhale the rest of the way) instead of direct-to-lung (inhale from the vape directly into your lungs) helps, but still, it generally takes around six to ten weeks to stop coughing.
"Jo, this is super boring," you may be saying. And you're absolutely right. But the information does matter, it's confusingly written or completely absent on most sites, and it helps us get to the fun part: the high.
PART TWO: THE HIGH
Yay! You got your drugs! Now what?
Your high will vary greatly depending on your method of consumption, strain, what you ate that day, how hydrated you are, etc., etc., etc., ad nauseum.
The first time you get high, have a babysitter. This can be anyone you trust to keep an eye on you, record the stupid shit you say, and help you if anything goes awry. This person should be completely sober for the duration of the babysitting. Being babysat by another intoxicated person is a bad idea and you should not do it.
For your first high, have snacks and water on hand. Get comfy. This is not the time for a complex Netflix drama; settle in with something light and fun. I like to play Slime Rancher while on edibles because it is an excellent experience.
Being high can feel a lot of different ways. I've had highs where I felt pretty much normal, except less stressy. I've had highs where my whole body felt tingly or numb. I've had highs where my head was spinny in the same way that a rotating restaurant is spinny - you know it's happening and can feel it if you turn your head too fast, but it's not fast or upsetting. And then, I've had highs that were bad.
If you overdo, it's okay. Let's talk about that.
PART THREE: WHAT IS IT LIKE TO BE "TOO HIGH"?
Being too high can be scary. That's okay! It's happened to almost everyone I know who's ever gotten high, regardless of substance. It can feel like you're dissociating, like you're out of control or out of reality, or like you're in a weird stop-motion scenario.
I got too high a couple of times in the span of a few weeks, and it sucks. So I've compiled a survival guide.
Do the sensory countdown: Count five things you can see, four things you can hear, three things you can feel, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. This will help you ground yourself and be aware of your body and surroundings.
Keep an eye on the time: When I've gotten overly high, keeping an eye on the clock helped me track both how long I was too high for and where I was in reality. It's true what they say: clocks do not work properly when you're dreaming. They do, however, work when you're high. Yes, the time may feel like it's going by veeeeeeery sloooooowly, but you will know that it's progressing in a linear fashion.
Tell someone: If you're no longer at the point where you feel the need to be babysat while high, that's fab! But sometimes, we fuck up and get too high while unsupervised. Tell someone reliable that you've gotten too high. Update them on how you're doing. Set a time by which they should check in with you. If they're close by, ask them to babysit. I also use my reliable person as a sort of diary, texting them what I'm experiencing as it happens so I can read it back when I come back down.
Watch or listen to something familiar: Now is the time for that anime you can recite from memory or that comedy special you've watched thirty times or the first album you ever bought. Having something comforting and familiar to pass the time helps you process. However, I do not recommend watching anything dramatic, scary, or stressful, as this will almost certainly not help.
Eat and drink: Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. Eat a snack. Make sure your body is being cared for.
Sleep it off: Sometimes, the best thing to do is nap until it's over.
Don't do anything that requires capable decision-making: This should go without saying, but I'm saying it anyway: your body is going through enough. Let it be. Don't drive. Don't work. Don't do things that require coordination, high-level reasoning, or rational thinking.
Try to stay comfortable and relaxed: The more anxious and unhappy you are, the worse an already bad high will feel, and the worse any future bad highs will feel. Let the world move around you.
Remember that this is temporary: No matter how unfun it feels, weed is just weed. It is basically impossible to die of a weed overdose; you would have to do something colossally stupid in order to achieve that distinction, and you definitely couldn't do it by accident. You will get through this.
Know when to seek help: If you've followed all the steps on this list and still feel rationally unsafe, or if your high lasts longer than six hours, seek help.
Bad highs are always a possibility, but they are survivable.
PART FOUR: MISCELLANY
Some things to know about weed:
The internet makes this seem very complicated. It is not. It's just a plant that poisons us a little bit.
Do not mix weed with stimulants.
If you take any meds, Google "[med name] interaction with weed" before you take weed. It's probably fine, but let's not find out, yeah?
Munchies are real. Have snacks on hand. I like to make a bag of popcorn and season it with Trader Joe's mushroom seasoning, because it hits all the important taste profiles for High Jo: salty, spicy, and savory.
If you've tried something a few times and it hasn't worked, try something else. I am embarrassed by how long it took me to realize that my first vape battery was literally not working. If smoking doesn't work for you, try edibles. If vaping isn't doing it, check out a bong. Find what works for you.
Be self-aware about your usage. Weed is fun! Weed does some wonderful things for people! But it is also a drug; please don't abuse it.
If you have questions, drop them below! I'm happy to answer or admit that I have no idea.
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