There's a new wind blowing in mutual aid spaces, and I absolutely hate it.
Some of my readers, I'm sure, are or have been in mutual aid groups, but for those who haven't, these are essentially spaces that combat the horrors of late-stage capitalism by helping others. This can take an almost unlimited number of forms, including monetary aid, services, free or discounted goods, information sharing, and more. I have personally been both a benefactor and a beneficiary in such groups, and on the whole, they're a gorgeous example of human nature in the face of oppressive systems.
And yet.
People frequently share context for their asks - for example, "My kids and I are between living spaces at the moment and could really use money to get a hotel room for a few nights" or "I have COVID and can't go pick up my meds; can someone please get them for me?" This is fine, and frequently increases engagement with both the ask and the asker. However, sometimes people ask a little differently. Here's one from a while back:
"Hey friends! My son is autistic and I'm struggling to pay my bills this month. Can anyone help me out?"
Yes, absolutely, they needed help. But why do we, strangers on the internet, need to know their son's diagnosis? They weren't asking for support related to his autism, just to get help with bills. So why was his being autistic relevant?
Answer: it wasn't. The OP exploited his disability for the pathos of it, hoping that people would be more inclined to give because of his disability.
I hate this, y'all. We are people with autonomy and opinions, and we deserve better than to be a sob story for our parents or other caregivers. I have seen my own family and the families of many of my loved ones do this, often with the best of intentions, but it's dehumanizing.
Who is this boy? Is he a little kid or an adult? Is his autism making his life harder, or is he just living a normal autistic life? Why is his being autistic part of a post about bills?
It is certainly possible that the bills in question included therapy, social skills groups, or other autism-specific supports for him. But if that's the case, why didn't the OP make it clear?
Too many disabled people are exploited by family or friends to get more leeway or accommodation. Sometimes, it's genuinely for our own benefit, like the time one of my partners complained to management at a museum because they billed themselves as fully wheelchair-accessible and I literally could not navigate by myself because the hallways and the elevator were too narrow. But often, our disabilities are used as augmentation for a sob story. And it's infuriating, because we do have needs of our own. I'm tired of seeing those needs ignored in favor of abled people's needs.
So next time you see one of these posts, before you contribute, consider who's impacted. And if you're making these posts, ask yourself who you're really doing it for.
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