It's coming, y'all - pride month starts in a week. And every year, I see a lot of pride event questions, so let's talk about safety, respect, and joy at pride.
What is pride?
Pride month, and pride events, celebrate the continued existence of queer people. The origin of pride is the Stonewall Riots in 1969, in which a raid of a queer bar in Greenwich Village sparked almost a week of clashes between queer people, primarily those of color, and police. As we're fond of saying, the first pride was a riot.
Who is pride for?
Pride is for queer people.
Can I go?
If you're an ally, people have different opinions on this, but here's mine: you can go if an event specifically says allies are welcome or if a queer person invites you. Otherwise, stay home and donate to queer organizations. If you do go, remember that this is not your space. Do not get drunk and harass people. Do not touch, grope, solicit, or otherwise bother queer people. I can't believe I have to say this, but apparently I do.
If you're queer in any way, pride is for you. This includes bi and pan people. It includes folks on the ace spectrum. It includes nonbinary people. It includes people who aren't out yet. If you're queer, yes.
Cops have a special set of rules:
- If you're a cishet cop, stay home. Also, quit.
- If you're a queer cop, leave your uniform at home. Also, quit.
- If you're a pride organizer and you're inviting cops, stop.
- You cannot change the system from the inside.
- ACAB.
What happens at pride?
Every pride, every year, in every city, is different. There are drag shows, parades, dances, game nights, you name it. It's a time for queer people to unwind and celebrate ourselves and each other.
Is pride kid- and family-friendly?
Pride is supposed to be for all queer people, including kids, but it doesn't always work out that way. A lot of events are loud, alcohol-heavy, and/or sexually suggestive or explicit. Do your homework before you go, and be prepared to have uncomfortable conversations.
Is pride disability-friendly?
Unfortunately, it often isn't. Pride parades are a lot of walking, they're very loud and busy, and most businesses along the routes try to make an easy buck by charging $6 for a water. Be prepared and do your research.
Is pride safe?
Yes, mostly. But it depends on who you are, who you're with, and the environment. Even in the most progressive cities, there are queerphobes who seek out opportunities to harm queer people, and cops are often present at major pride events - ostensibly to provide safety, but that's not always the case. I don't recommend going alone. Bring a friend, bring water, charge your phone, and be prepared to leave quickly if you need to.
Should I wear a mask?
YES. COVID is no joke, and the numbers are going up rapidly. Even outdoors, you should stay masked if you're in a busy space for a long period of time.
Do kinks belong at pride?
This is one of the most controversial questions about pride every year. The primary argument against it is one of consent. But here's the thing: people are not, for the most part, actually engaging in sexual acts while they're at public pride events - and if they are, they shouldn't be, regardless of whether it's queer or kinky. Most of the time, the kink stuff we see at pride is just costumes - leather daddies, furries, dominatrixes, and the like. If they're not actually being sexually explicit, leave them alone.
Kink isn't inherently queer, but it isn't inherently not queer, either. Don't forget that until very recently, queer sex was seen as exactly the same kind of divergence as kinks. A lot of people are claiming their combined identities as kinky queer people, and that's great.
If your kid asks an uncomfortable question ("why is that person on a leash?"), you can either have a conversation with them about kinks if they're old enough, or you can just say that it's a costume. There are certainly enough costumes at pride.
What should I bring?
Water, sunscreen, a mask, a hat, a snack, a sweater, any and all pride gear you want to wear or carry. I also bring a folding camp stool, a book, and extra snacks, waters, and pronoun pins for the baby queers.
Can I bring pride flags that also celebrate my heritage?
Yes! Unless your heritage flag is a swastika or the Confederate flag, go for it. If you have a problem with someone else's flag and it isn't either a swastika or the Confederate flag, mind your own business. This includes the Jewish pride flag.
What should I not do?
Don't comment on people's bodies. Don't touch people without consent. Don't demand to know people's identities or try to force other attendees to prove their right to be there (unless they're cops or white supremacists). Don't say rude or unkind things to or about other people's clothes, merch, bodies, disabilities, etc.; mind your own business. Don't talk to cops.
What else do I need to know?
That you and your identity are precious and valid, and that if anyone tells you otherwise, you have my permission to eat them.
I hope y'all have a happy and healthy pride month!
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