CW surgery, gross body things
We're now three months past my gender-affirming hysterectomy; I previously detailed the preparations for, and the experience and outcome of, my surgery. Now that I'm back to normal, I wanted to also share about the recovery process.
First of all, several people provided invaluable supports during my recovery, and they deserve my thanks. My friend Ellie, who bought me the hysterectomy pillow I wrote about in my prep article, saved me a good deal of discomfort; my friends Sarah, Drew, AnnaCate, and Noah visited throughout the recovery process, bringing both goofy gifts (my favorite was a rainbow sippy cup) and a lot of cheer; and, most of all, my partner Jack, who took PFML to care for me over the course of my three-week leave, and spent most of that time cooking, cleaning, packing, and fetching on my behalf. Without these people, my experience would have been immeasurably different, and I am so grateful to have them.
Day zero, the day of surgery, was a torment. I was at 10/10 pain, essentially unable to think about or process anything else around me. Day one, I woke up at about a 7 and, thanks to the magic of pain medications, hovered around a 4 for the next several days. I admit that, going in, I had a little bit of anxiety about being on narcotic pain meds - my mom has a severely unhappy reaction to narcotics, and of course there was also the anxiety of becoming a druggie - but in fact, I was only on them for three days, and was both comfortable taking them and delighted to find that I didn't need them anymore and could get by with just the prescription ibuprofen.
That said, the first week was decidedly uncomfortable. Every visit to the toilet required some sort of abdominal support (the pillow was invaluable for this), I was virtually incapable of sleeping in the positions I normally favor, and my appetite was shot. On top of that, my abdomen felt awful, and I needed cold packs - but I also have Raynaud's, so if the cold packs were too cold, it hurt in the other direction. I was also exhausted; the first few days, I was sleeping probably 18 out of every 24 hours.
As an added joy, I discovered a few days before surgery that I had been cramming my ass into clothes that were objectively not my size, but hadn't noticed because I hadn't weighed myself in six months or more and didn't know I'd gained weight. As a result, my previously oversized clothes - which I needed due to my swollen and tender abdomen - were not oversized, and in several cases were in fact too small. In addition to all the other things Jack did during these weeks, they also made several trips to Costco to supply me with the most comfortable pajamas we could acquire. (Not to shill for a corporation, but god, I love Costco.)
As for my incisions, the glue on them was, at first, unobtrusive and easy to deal with. But as time wore on, it started to peel off in places and to get itchy. I have trichotillomania (also known as I Cannot Stop Picking At Anything On My Body That Can Be Picked At Disease), so this posed an immediate problem, and I spent several days covering all four incisions with bandaids until the glue came off. Then came the discoveries that a) my belly-button incision (Belly Button 2: Electric Boogaloo) wasn't fully sealed and was quietly leaking Some Gross Shit, and b) one of my incisions had a single stitch that was sticking out slightly and annoying me every time my stomach folded at all - ie. anytime I was sitting, which was ALWAYS. The incisions have healed very nicely at this point, but for the second week, they were a major annoyance. (Also, the glue was gross when it came off, which I definitely should have anticipated but somehow did not.)
The worst part of recovery, for me at least, was the combination of pain and fatigue when I tried to do things. I am by nature a highly self-sufficient person; even though I frequently rely on Jack to take the lead on things like cooking and cleaning, I manage myself well, and I really struggled with the inability to do things for myself. Sure, it was pretty fun at first to have Jack fetch everything for me, from my meds to my book to the dog, but after a while, a bitch wants to do things for themself, and I couldn't even bend down easily, let alone pack or make food. Two weeks post-op, I went to a bookstore, rode in a car, and hosted a hangout with a few people - and the next day, I was exhausted and in more pain than the day before, despite having done hardly any physical movement. As difficult as chronic fatigue is normally, it gets decidedly worse after surgery.
For readers who may someday have abdominal surgery, here are my top tips:
Invest in a hysterectomy/abdominal surgery recovery pillow. Mine has a belt and a pouch for hot/cold packs, and it was indispensable for the first week. Aside from abdominal support and hands-free cooling, it also protected my incisions from the pressure of seatbelts and my enthusiastic dog's paws. (To Beka's credit, she figured out almost immediately that she was only allowed to step on the pillow, and was shockingly diligent about it for a 9-month-old dog with two brain cells.)
Get whatever aids you want, even if you "don't need them". You think a cane would be useful? Get it. Tempted by a grabber? Get it. Sippy cup sound good? Get it. Who cares if you feel silly? Who cares if you won't use it once you've recovered? Worst case scenario, you can pass them along to someone else. I would never have bought a sippy cup for myself, but the one my friends got me was so convenient (and so gay) that I now use it semi-regularly.
Put a pillow under your knees when lying down or reclining. Trust me on this.
Gather as wide a variety of activities as possible ahead of time. I didn't enjoy being quite this sedentary, but I had a Switch, fiber crafts, a smart TV, and a fat pile of books. I was physically bored, but mentally very comfortable.
If you have someone who can do it and live in a state that permits it, family leave is a wonderful thing. I was on paid medical leave for my recovery, which is great, but Jack was on paid family leave to take care of me - meaning our income was unchanged but I didn't have to take care of myself. It was a blessing in terms of my recovery, and it was really fun for us to basically have a three-week vacation together. (We watched so many shows and movies! We tried new recipes! We played all kinds of games! We read together!)
Don't push yourself. I cannot stress this enough: the more you push, the longer your recovery will take. Your body needs rest in order to get back to normal; as hard as it gets to sit around the house for weeks, it's harder to overdo it and end up sitting around the house for more weeks, or burn yourself out by doing more than you're ready for. Of course, not everyone has the options I have - I live in a state with good protections, have a partner who was able and willing to stay home with me, and work at a job that, despite the short notice, was insistent that I take care of myself first and not try to push myself before I was ready to come back. But no matter what, to the best of your ability, rest your body after surgery.
I am so grateful to be where I am right now. I had a gender-affirming surgery that cost $250 and required shockingly little in the way of long-term recovery; I will never have another period or get pregnant; I never have to buy period supplies again; I will never again be unpleasantly surprised with a period at an inopportune moment. I got to rest and recover in comfort.
May we all be so lucky.
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